Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Nicknames: Asian Nash vs. White Shaq

I wanted to start a thread where people could post the best nicknames they've heard on the court. Over the last few years, a lot of people have called me "Asian Steve Nash." It's totally nice, and I'm happy for the comparison, but it's a lot to live up to! ("Asian Zoran Plananic" is probably more accurate.) One consequence of this is that I've become infatuated with calling certain white players the White This or the White That. I particularly like calling big white guys "White Shaq" or, even better, "White Yao."

I used to call one of my NYU hoops buddies White Yao, until he got an even better nickname. My buddy is a thin 6'6" math professor who got his degree from UC Berkeley, so some kids at NYU started calling him "the Ivory Tower," which was so funny it made my genitals fall off.

There's this guy who plays at Ohlone Park who's got a great lean physique and always plays with his shirt off. A couple of weeks ago, we started calling him "Bowflex." Love that one.

And of course, there's Old School, which is classic!

What are your favorites?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I personally enjoy nicknames that are absurdly reduntant and include players who were mediocre/slightly forgettable during their careers, a la "the White Mark Price," "the Black Tim Thomas," or the "Asian Yuta Tabuse."

It's also fun when guys are nicknamed after people who have nothing to do with basketball, but somehow should have had their last names plastered on the back of a jersey at some point. Like "Johnny Cash," "Kofi Annan," or "Vera Wang."

-Tom

ps - Jeff, what are you doing with yourself these days?

Jeff said...

Are you trying to tell me that you were calling me Vera Wang behind my back at those Packer Institute games?

Anonymous said...

Yes. And how fitting it was.

Schayes said...

I once played pick-up on a team with four Sikhs, in turbans; I'm a 6'4" 30-something white guy. After grapping quite a few rebounds I was dubbed "The Vanilla Gorilla."

Old School said...

My favorite nickname is Darko "The Human Victory Cigar" Milicic. I also like the name somebody gave Jeff the other night after he told his NBA draft story--"The Free Agent".

But the site Cool Nicknames are Good Nicknames also has an excellent selection. The site begins with the following warning:

"Please 1. No profanity 2. Only in english and 3. Keep them limited to 40 letters. Attention: Please write in English *ONLY*. Also, please only nicknames, this is not a bulletin board. We know that most of the nicknames available here are not good and perfect, let's make it perfect! Many thanks to Lorene for maintaining this list and keeping it clean! Entering new nicknames will be disabled for a few days; Lorene is cleaning up the list."

The warning is followed by a free-for-all (Lorene must be behind). Some of my favorites: (Remember to insert these between the first and last names of a famous baller) Katrina is a fat ass bitch, Alysha McAuley + David Atchison, why drink and drive, whatup blood whatup cuz whatup blood, Karina Gamboa, hurray!, Karina Gamboa is a name no nickname, it's soft...it's sexy...guess wat, aerosol junkie, Menace II Sobriety, Big Dumb Mob Bob and Homeslice.

Old School said...

I also came across this exchange on a nicknames discussion board at Hooops SA (South Australia).

"I NEED TO FIND A NICKNAME FOR BASKETBALL...MY FAVORITE THING TO DO IS TO SHOOT. SO IF YOU FIND ME ONE I WILL BE THANKFUL."

"Ummmmmmm.....shooter?"

aloneconformist said...

wait a second, i thought i was the asian steve nash. i was getting the asian nashy nick since before it was a good thing to be compared to the reigning mvp... we have the same fluid, but not quite rhythmic body movements, same off-the-shoulder almost from-the-hip jumpshot, same constant licking of the fingers... but then i learned the d.c. crossover from allen iverson and went to nyu... where the school paper proceeded to call me "allen chinerson." for real... couldn't make that up... then i grew my hair out and stopped carrying the ball, and the nash nick came back.

but if you want the best nicks, i only have to recall my high school team. i went to a school in a town outside of houston, tx and my senior year was the first year we had as many non-white players on the team as white--i was the second asian though (behind mo city punjabi legend sridhar sista--who's nickname was "shooter"--he went on to play at u of h). so with this culture clash, came some interesting nicks. gary mannino, the whitest white boy on the squad was named g-money by the darker of us, following the popularity of new jack city. he was not very gangster. travis sykes was long and athletic and very dark complexioned... his nick from the white boys was big daddy long legs. but the capper was brian smith, nicked "pony boy" for his haircut's resemblance to tom cruse's in his portrayal of the s.e. hinton character in "the outsiders." we had to watch it for english.

the_ouskull said...

Capcha: barpo: noun, adj. (as noun) used to describe the working man's socioeconomic class. (i.e. - "He's not jus' po', he's barpo," as relates to the amount of money he spends at the bar being the reason that he is so poor in the first place.) (as adj.) a description of someone who is considered to be "barpo" as relates to their socioeconomic class. (i.e. - "Thur go that barpo motherf*cka right thur.")

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As far as great nicknames go, I think the best ones are the ones that lose relevance as the person with the nickname gets older. Like "Tiny" growing up to be 6'8", or "Pooh" to stop sh*tting himself in games. It seems like some of the best names I've ever heard have come from small towns, though.

Anonymous said...

In Malaysia, the ballers called Jason Kidd, the 'White Chocolate.'