Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Tips: How can I stop Jeff from schooling me?

From an anonymous reader (no, it's not me) comes the following question: "How do I stop Jeff's seemingly unstoppable "keep on head faking and twirling around until you finally give up and jump" maneuver he's been using against me for the last four years or so?"

I'll try to solve the Jeff problem below. Meanwhile, you can post your own questions here and we'll try to answer them.

Here's what I try to do. I watch his hips instead of his head or arms so I know where his body is going. When he finally leaves his feet I jump and try to block his shot. I almost never do--he's too quick, but I hope to alter it somewhat. Still, he frequently kills me with a ridiculous reverse layup. Come to think of it, this really isn't working so well for me. Any other ideas out there?


Jeff said...

Wow, I simultaneously love and hate this post. My secrets revealed!

Anonymous said...

Fortunately, I was rarely forced to play defense on Jeff. But one thing that I'd suggest is calling 3 seconds on him, just because he'll get really confused that someone would actually make that call in a pickup game, that you can take the ball from him easily.

That might be another thread worth starting: most egregious calls made. Or perhaps, best smack or other comments heard during a game.

My own nominations:
Egregious call: playing at Houston/2nd Ave. in NYC, some super-preppy dudes tried calling over-and-back during a full court game. Stuff started to get a little racist. For that reason and various others (mostly of the "you're going to make a shit call, then I'll make a shittier call" variety) a brawl nearly broke out.

Best line: Those who were there will remember this clearly. "I'm 55 years old. I run every day. I don't drink nothing. I don't smoke nothing....'cept reefer."

knievel said...

I tried callin' the infield fly rule on him once. Never again.

After getting schooled in NBA Live, I thought it was worth a try taking him on one-on-one as Bill Walton. It was a long shot, but the ultimate indignity was worth it. Never again.

CJB said...

OK, I'll fess up. It was me. Given that for some reason whenever we play, I always end up guarding Jeff, I thought I'd throw it out there. I've tried: 1. blatant hacking 2.grabbing his jersey 3.playing so hard I eventually developed plantars fascitis 4. calling the infield fly rule 5. trying to lead him to places on the court where the sun will be directly in his face 5. distracting him to tears by bringing up immensely personal painful memories during games 6. subliminal messages on clothing 7. having breath so lousy it causes him to wince when shooting 8. reciting Milton and Spenser verse to cause him to wistfully reflect upon the fleeting moments of his life but none of these have worked. And yes, that god damned under the hoop reverse layup is always the net result.....any other ideas out there?


Anonymous said...

As a totally anonymous reader, I'd suggest leaving him completely open at all times. Especially for layups and ridiculous reverses (he only hits these when you cover him). This will really work. I swear to God. Also try screening your own teammates to leave him even more open. What reason would an anonymous reader have to mislead you? None! Absolutely none!

A totally and completely anonymous reader, really.

PS Make sure you read his blog every day to pick up more of his secrets. Also, his birthday is June 27.

the_ouskull said...

If he's picking up his dribble to do this "head faking and twirling around" thing, then as soon as he does, straddle his pivot foot and cut off his high passing angles. He's more likely to get off a pass underneath, but it's less likely to be a pass leading to a basket.

If he's keeping his dribble while doing the "head faking and twirling around" thing, then you have to continue to try to force him to a weak side; if he doesn't have one as a ball handler, and some don't, then you have to force him to the short side of the court to take away his room to work, or force him towards a smart help defender, or force him towards your strong hand, and just make sure that you keep them up. Don't get lazy. If you relax against quick players who are also good shooters, then you deserve to be scored on.